I got the new Harry Potter yesterday, and I love it already. I think it's going to break my heart when I get to the part that I won't let anyone tell me about, but I think It'll be worth it.
I'm just avoiding the subject here.
I don't think I'm going to be able to do this thing with Vince. He's very sweet, but he's so clingy, and affectionate, and that's so not me at all. I'm not huggy kissey, especially when people are around. And I'm not really attracted to him. I'm so shallow, but he's not cute at all, and unfortunately, that's a big deal to me. I mean, you don't have to be amazing looking, but a guy has to be attractive in my eyes or me to go for him. That sounds really mean, but I can't help it. Maybe I'm just getting ahead of myself or something, but I'm really afraid of relationships.
I kind of just want to make it over. I'm afraid that if I keep this up too long, I'm going to hurt his heart. I don't want to fall in love with him, or anyone right now, and I certinally don't want anyone to fall in love with me.
All the same, we are only dating. Maybe I'm just letting him move too fast. I havn't dated in a long ime. All the guys I've had anything to do with were strictly one night stands or fuck buddies. Chancey, Rob, Chris, Andrew, and Josh. I never had to keep them intrested, we both got what we wanted and that was that. And I really can't see myself being intimate with Vince. I remember the feeling I had with Mark, and I don't have that with Vince. I don't know if I should stay around and wait to see if I do get that feeling, or if I should just cut it off right now. Am I just being paranoid?
I'm such an ass, and I'm being so selfish about this. I mean, we're not together, and he's gone for two weeks now to visit his grandparents, so I have two weeks to think about it. I have a problem with being "owned" by a boy. with not being able to flirt, and be silly and chase boys that I know nothing will ever come out of.
I think it's time for me to start seeing a shrink again...
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quixotic
sunrise, sunset, your manic or your depresed, are you ever just ok?
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